Is God?
The fundamental question of faith is this: Does God exist?
Not, “How could a loving God do X?” or “How was the universe created?” or “What about evolution?” or any of a hundred theological hand grenades.
If we do not get this question right then nothing else really matters. If we do get it right then many questions are already answered. I haven’t had a problem with this question since I was five years old.
106°
The year was 1960 and I was sick, sick enough to sleep on the couch. It was the first time that had ever happened and I felt special. Our forest green vinyl couch in the living room was only folded out flat for visiting guests and it had a good view of the television.
I had a headache, hurt all over, was running a fever and just wanted to close my eyes but the couch was fun and the cool vinyl felt good. I could watch TV from my “bed”. I was enjoying all of the attention.
What I didn’t understand was that I was running a high fever and had to be kept away from my siblings so they wouldn’t catch whatever I had, which turned out to be scarlet fever. My fever reached 106 degrees and all the attention was because my parents were afraid I was dying, a real possibility.
Mighty Mouse
I alternated between naps and watching TV. Mom came in occasionally to check on me and put a cold cloth on my forehead but mostly I was alone.
Then, I woke up feeling better. The pain was gone. I had energy and was happy. I climbed out of bed and felt light on my feet. Very light. I jumped to try out this new feeling and launched all the way to the ceiling. I floated to the other end of the room and came down.
I thought I could fly like Superman or Mighty Mouse on the cartoons I’d been watching. I jumped again to try and swoop around the room but I didn’t. I just hung there, higher this time, and slowly came floating back down. It wasn’t flying but it sure was fun.
Leaping For Joy
I was confined to the living room with the doors closed so I yelled excitedly for Mom to come see what I could do. Even though she was just in the next room, she didn’t come. I’d been quarantined away from everyone else so I couldn’t go and look.
Impatient, I bent low and jumped even higher but this time was really weird. I found myself over the house, having effortlessly come through the roof. I floated back down in the front yard, elated and ready for more. I don’t remember ever feeling so good.
I yelled at the top of my lungs but no one came. So, I tried another jump. I was surprised when a soft pine branch went past my left ear. I had sailed past the top of the large pine tree in the front yard but was looking down so I didn’t see the limb until it swept by. Whoa!
What Goes Up Does Not Come Down
This time I didn’t come back down and just kept climbing like a bird. The house shrunk below me and I really felt like I was a superhero, but with one problem. I had absolutely no control. I couldn’t fly down the street or come back down. I just kept rising.
Things kept getting smaller and I was getting a little freaked out but I felt so good. I wanted to come down but it was like something was pulling me from behind. I turned around and looked into a deep black sky. Weird. But what happened next was even weirder.
Black Sky!
I felt a presence like I’d never known. It was all-encompassing and overwhelming. It was not an impersonal force but someone, someone that knew me and was pulling me closer. It’s very hard to explain but I knew, instantly and fully, that I was facing God in that vast dark sky.
The black sky, the lack of control and a powerful presence combined to send me into a wild panic. I was only five and fear struck me like a bolt of lightning. I wanted to get away and back home! I turned around and clawed to no effect.
No One Hears Me
I screamed out for my Mommy and Daddy over and over again and lost altitude. I looked down and saw my mother somehow through the roof of our house. I yelled harder but she ignored me and walked across the room toward the couch. I saw the back of her head as she bent over and put a cold cloth on someone’s face.
I looked closer and saw that it was me, still lying in the bed asleep. This really freaked me out. I yelled again that it wasn’t me, that I was up above her but she never reacted. She walked out of the room into the kitchen.
I looked down at this strange self in the bed and drifted lower. The other me wasn’t moving at all. Then, suddenly, I woke up in the bed, wet with sweat and clammy, aching all over.
Home
I called Mom and she came through the kitchen door and asked me what was wrong. Relieved to be home and heard, I began to tell her what had happened in an excited five-year-old vocabulary.
She paid no attention and told me I’d just had a dream. I argued with her but she reassured me. She was very certain it was a dream. I tried to explain that it wasn’t, that it was too real, that it was vivid and real in a way I’d never dreamed.
She shushed me and told me everything was alright and I should go back to sleep. She tucked me in and left. She was my Mom and she knew everything. Maybe, I thought, she was right.
Sick Again
I felt exhausted, painful and suddenly sleepy. I gave up trying to explain, rolled over, shivered with a chill and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.
I never forgot it. It was real in a way that made regular life seem dim. I was sure it wasn’t a dream. It was surprising and scary but I was back home.
I got the idea Mommy didn’t want to talk about it. I decided to be happy watching TV on the couch. It didn’t last long enough. In a few days I was well.
I had no clue that, more than fifty years later, this event would still be changing my life.
Photo: Starry Night by NASA
Pam Owen via Facebook: I don’t know if you recall when Erin was in Vanderbilt children’s hospital with a spider bite that got infected with Strep. Dr Doak said “do not pass go…instead go straight to the hospital from this office. I’m calling Vanderbilt and they will be ready for you”. We did…and they were. I don’t think I’ve told you this before.
Erin’s time was extremely hard when it came to the IVs. They didn’t know what the cause was so they were hitting her with IV antibiotics from several levels. She would scream like it was the movie Halloween…blood curdling anytime they touched her hand that had the bite. I can still hear it in my head 25 years later. On the second night, I wasn’t sleeping and Erin was closed off from all the pain. I was praying over her and asked Him for relief of some kind.
The next morning, a new nurse walked in that we’d never seen. She started messing with Erin’s IV and I explained that Erin was having a very hard time, etc. She looked at me and just smiled, and Erin, by now was usually screaming just with someone touching here – but she wasn’t this time. The nurse got through and Erin hadn’t even gotten upset. Before she left, I asked her “what is your name”? She turned around as she was exiting the room door and said simply “Angel”. It was like someone had hit me upside the head. I froze…then I darted out the door and there was no one in the hall. I know – and I mean I KNOW that she was an Angel sent by God. I still get emotional when I talk about it. I’ve never before or sense had such a real experience. God has answered many prayers before, but this was the most intense. Ask me how I know God exists, and every single time, I relive this in my head.
Compelling stuff! How have you never told me this story?!
That’s an interesting question. There aren’t many things we haven’t talked about. As I look back over my life I’m only now realizing how much this affected me over the years. As I’ve learned, it has slowly turned from a five-year-old’s experience into something much bigger. That’s what’s coming. I can’t wait to get to the tennis shoe story . . .